Introduction
This is a tricky topic to start, not because it goes against other people's beliefs, but because of the fact that the word "Friend" has been warped too much by society. Let me ask you a question, how many people are on your Facebook friend's list? A lot huh? Well out of those hundred or more, how many are actually your friend? Do you talk to them on a daily basis? Or do you simply keep them on your friends list because you know them, or talked to them once? The truth is, almost everyone I know would answer no, that these people aren't actually friends. This isn't what friends are, well at least what the point of friendship was. In this post I will use the word "Friend" lightly as anyone else would in colloquial context, so be aware of my usage.
Let's start off by defining what "Friend" actually means. When I first got a Facebook I was certainty hesitant about adding so many people on my friends list, and honest I don't care about friends on Facebook to this day. I don't bother adding people on Facebook, all I do is have people add me instead. This list of "Friends", or a better word might be acquaintances, don't really mean anything to me. Acquaintances might be putting it too far ever. This list is nothing more than a database of people that you've met or have any sort of relationship with them. Some of our friends on Facebook, may be strangers that simply sent you a "Friend Request" without knowing you. Friend has a very blurry definition these days and I want to clear this up. The first way I found to clear this up is to simply group people into different groups.
Group Classification
First we will make a large circle which we call "People". This is using the general terminology of "Facebook Friend". Anyone in this circle is a person that you would add on Facebook. Inside this circle would be the next group of friends, people that you actually know in real life. This isn't even close to what one would consider friend. The important part of this group is that you actually know these people in real life. The relationship between these people and you ranges from mutual to close friends. This group could be called something along the lines of, "I know them".
The next group lies within the "I know them" group. I would like to title this group as, "Good Relations". These are the people that you have good relations with to best friends. This is the stage where you can freely talk to these people about stuff. Although you would never trust your deepest darkest secrets to some of them. You simply don't trust them enough. You trust them enough to be nice to you and in return you are nice to them and can have conversations on an almost daily basis. This group of people are what most people would actually call friends if asked about. Although this does not fit my definition of "Friend".
The next bubble inside is much more vague. As we delve deeper into these smaller groups the boundaries are much harder to see and sometimes aren't even solid. This next group is the "Close Friends". These are the kinds of people that you've known for a long time, and talk to much more. You probably have gone to their house, or gone somewhere with them to do something fun. These people you might even call best friends, while when I use the term "Close Friends", I don't actually mean that they are friends. Just because you know someone for a long time, doesn't mean that they are actually "Friends." A better name for this group might be "Close Acquaintances." Although that term is also quite vague.
The next group also lies within "Good Relations" but doesn't actually fit inside "Close Acquaintances". This group is something along the lines of "Almost Friend". These are the people that you haven't known for a long time, but you know for a fact that they are great friend's and you would gladly be around them all the time. They are fun and enjoyable to be with. Conversations are always friendly and they don't pester you past any kind of breaking point. The only problem they lack is that they are not that close and there is the problem of being with them more. You are distant from them but still retain that sense of friendship. These friendships have a tendency to end abruptly because of unforeseen consequences, or simply a shift in the environment around you.
The next group doesn't actually lie inside many different groups. This group is what I call "Friends." This group usually overlaps with "Close Acquaintances", but also lies partly in the group "Good Relations", and yet also partly lies partly within "Almost Friend". This person is someone everyone wants, this is what people would call a best friend. Usually there is only one of these people simply because they are so hard to find. There is the chance that you have more than one though. They have all the good characteristics of "Almost Friend" and they are not distant. They stay by your side and are willing to help and give effort to help you do things. They are the kind of friend that knows they want to do something but will be willing to give that up to help you do something else. Although this relationship is commonly confused with the relationship between master and servant. While he/she is willing to help you and spend time, you must be willing to help them back. Without that co-beneficial relationship, you aren't truly "Friends".
You may have noticed that this is getting complicated, and I agree. You may also notice that what I consider "Friend" may differ severely from what you call a friend, that I have a very small circle of friends. I'll tell you we're not done. There's one more group left.
This is the group that fits inside "Friend". This is one of those things that is almost impossible to find. Usually most people don't have this person. This is almost guaranteed as only one person can take this role. Most people living right now will never find this person, and I don't think I have either, though I could easily be proven wrong. This person has all the positive characteristics of all the groups above and one more thing. They are willing to sacrifice for you. They are willing to put everything they have on the line to help you and support you. It doesn't matter the circumstances. This is what I call "The True Friend" He/She, is that person that will help you no matter what, and will believe you no matter how absurd you may sound. They will always look for the best for you. This is one of those relationships that both people must agree on. You can only be a "True Friend" to one person if they are a "True Friend" to you too.
This is getting a little too complicated so I added a diagram. Don't you love diagrams too? I added color. I hope that you can get a better idea of what's going on. This diagrams is meant simply to be a visual aid. The sizes of the circle don't signify how large the groups should be. I'm just bad at making properly spaced circles.
When you place someone in one of these groups, it's almost never permanent.The only people I can think of that can be permanent are either "Friend" or "True Friend". These people will usually never change or shift out of their groups. Otherwise, people will commonly shift out of their groups and move all over the place. I've had people move from "Almost Friend" all the way to I know them, in personal experience this has happened to people because I lose touch with them after the school year ends. Then it ends up that we don't cross paths often. I have although noticed that they tend to come back into their old group on occasion. Recently I've had a "friend" move from "Good Relations" to "People". While this barely seems possible it has happened. The also forgot my name, which definitely made me sad, yet that's what happened. I have observed that movement from groups become difficult as the groups get smaller. It's almost as if the walls surrounding the groups get taller as you head deeper in. It is however possible to move someone from the inner chambers to the extreme outer chambers, although that would require effort on your part to isolate yourself from them. There is no reason to move them that far however, if you are truly close friends with them, there's no reason to move them. It's even harder now a days since people can access the internet and contact you that way.
Closing Statement
Friendship is something that I don't take lightly, or have ever taken lightly. Right now though because of the change in society I'm trying to expand my perception of friendship and in a way make the circles larger. I also want to make a note about relativity. This system is based on one person at a time. For example, if you (Person A), classify me (Person B) as "Good Relations", it doesn't mean the same the other way around. I (Person B) might classify you, (Person A) as "People". While it may seem insulting, it is one of the things that I think should be understood. Person A and Person B don't have the same perspective on everything. While in the category of "Friend" and "True Friend", as I've stated before, both Person A and Person B need to agree that each other is actually in the same category.
I find that people take friendship more lightly. This is something that don't really understand too much. While I don't have much in the way of anything else to say, I will offer one more thing. For those of you that like watching anime, a good anime to watch regarding this topic would be , "Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni".
This is certainly very interesting, Darren. I'm amazed that you thought this up. That's not a crack at your intelligence; that's just my way of saying that this is really in-depth and obviously took a great deal of thought, and I wouldn't have thought of it myself. This is the sort of thing that makes people aware of a topic very few individuals in society had previously considered. I hope you're considering a career in journalism. I feel as though this topic could extend beyond friends as well. I feel as though the "I know them" Category could be separated down into a "Friends" category and an "Enemy" category, with the space between them representing those we feel neutral about. Although some may say that we have no legitimate personal enemies that we know, there are plenty of people out there whom I both know personally and consider to be my foes. That idea brings up the question of how you would categorize your enemies. You're right about everything in this post, even though I never really considered this myself.
ReplyDeleteI was going to post an edit explaining this is only a rough outline, the in depth explanation of this is all in my head and requires much more overlap of circles. The circles tend to move often too. Adding all those would make this a full length novel and require much more thought. Also drawing a diagram of the proper overlap would become impossible. I feel that an "Enemy" category would fit perfectly where you said, the only reason I didn't include this was because this post only refers to friends. If I were to talk about the entire scale of interactions between people in society, then I would have added that yes.
DeleteI agree with Brian and commend you on this blog post. Also, I love them diagrams.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of something I read in the book Subliminal by Leonard Mlodinow. Scientists have found that the size of a species's neocortex is directly proportional to the size of its cliques. For example, gorillas form groups of less than ten, spider monkeys closer to twenty, and macaques more like forty. According to their test, the number of people our neocortex can support is around 150. If the group is much bigger than that, you simply don't have the cognitive facilities to remember all those people in a meaningful way.
Perhaps that fits into your theory a little. Good Relations probably covers that 150, and everyone else fits within that.